Let’s Roll
I’m on an Air New Zealand flight to my next destination..really been looking forward to this one..heard the people are great…I’m headed to GreenBOW AlaBAMA!…jk I’m going to Melbourne, Australia. I’ve been thinking about Forrest Gump for the last ten minutes….I have no clue why.
I booked a one way standard ticket…I was placed in row 3..aisle..right. They don’t have a first class. I’ll take row 3 any day. I noticed that row 2 left and row 1 right were completely empty…there are a lot of people on this plane behind me…all Aussies mostly. You can hear their shackels banging around back there.jk So we take off..seats are still empty.. I have another couple to my right and I’m sure they could use the extra space so I’m trying to get an entire row to myself…the guy in row 3 left is thinking the same thing…I said you take row 1 and I’ll get row 2..he says deal….so we wait for the fasten seatbelt sign to turn off. I look at this dude and make a “onward” motion towards the front and I say “Lets roll” lol I realized quickly the phrase I picked and was glad that no one around me heard it. I feel like that’s a phrase that if you say it loud enough near the cockpit that the air Marshall might have something to say about it. Todd Beamer was the brave individual who led the charge into the United Flight 93 cockpit where Al-Qaeda terrorists had taken control over the plane..it was believed that this plane was intended to crash into a Government building in D.C. The calls from Todd to his Wife are tough to listen to…but this man is a hero and saved who knows how many lives with his courage. Great American…and I hope his family has found some peace and healing.. I just couldn’t imagine….alright well while we’re here…9/11. I remember it well…and I will never forget..and neither should you.
Over the years I have…revisited terrible things in American history. This may be all over the place…I had just typed out an entire blog and it got deleted..and now I have more to say and I’m trying to remember the really important things I did write out 20 minutes ago. Dedicated to this blog I tell you. I think being over here and talking with foreigners…I have found myself googling late night all kinds of things about American History…I have realized how small fine tuned my focus has been..I need to understand my country better so that I can understand how other countries work….so not just to be prepared for a debate with a drunk guy at a bar so that I don’t embarrass myself as an American…I do feel as though that most foreigners do not care for me much when they find out I’m American. … I feel like I’m missing out on understanding so many things that once I do understand…it will all start to make sense…weird way to say it all but you get it…basically I have a lot of catching up to do...It’s amazing how so many people couldn’t tell you where Atlanta, Ga is on the map…and some…have never heard of it. Also..they think I’m the biggest American goof when they see that my middle name is Dallas and my last name is Houston. They definitely know about Texas.(Good win..Sam Wensinger)…So yea..I have obsessed at certain times over the details of things like 9/11…Columbine…and even the man who got stuck upside down in the Nutty Putty Cave. All of these are morbid and terrible things that have happened…I cry when I revisit these things but I can’t help but want to know all of the details. My heart breaks each time. 9/11 is just about the biggest piece of American History and it happened during my lifetime…I was 6 about to turn 7 the next month. I was in first grade.
My teacher was Mrs. Wilson…a lovely..kind teacher. I’d like to say I have a really vivid memory of most of my life..but 6 is getting down in there…I remember vividly 4 standout things that happened in 1st grade.
1.My friend Grayson was gone for a chunk of the school year because his dad was playing for the Dodgers in LA at the time…I think we called him maybe once or had welcome back party for him..I thought that was cool what he was doing and of course I was jealous that he was missing school…but I also missed my friend.
2.I was the first one to turn in a math quiz and I was pumped about it…turns out…I never filled out a single problem on the back of the page. Also…I was trying to get into “discovery” it was like smart kid program at Tattnall…I had to take a little test..I’m not sure how I scored on it…but Zack did NOT make it in the smart kid club lol….I remember beating myself up over one question…it was…how many days are in a year? I answered…356…very confidently. Facepalm.…I then started taking anti-depressants and smoking cigarettes.
3. haha…so..third..hmm Hearing Test! A lady came to give us hearing exams and it was one of those…tap when you hear a beep. I failed that too…what in the world is wrong with Zack!? haha We couldn’t tell if it was user error on my part or if I really couldn’t hear….at 29 I can confirm…that it was a little bit of both.
4. 9/11. Sitting in Mrs. Wilson’s class…her son is a Senior…he runs in the classroom telling her to just turn on the tv..she does….there it is…chaos..terrorist attack in New York…Mrs. Wilson watches for a few min and gets the gist and turns off the tv. We are 6 and 7…and there are buildings on fire with people jumping out of them. Its a big deal..its scary.
I go home that night..we have dinner….normally the tv is off during dinner…if it’s on then we are watching the braves. Especially not the news….tonight..the news is on. 9/11 coverage is on. At this age Mom was trying her hardest for me to like vegetables…it wouldn’t be til later on that I enjoyed the devils lettuce lol…but…squash and broccoli..barf. I couldn’t get up from the table until I had two bites of whichever one was on my plate that night.. So that night..I sat for what felt like hours…normally the tv is off…so tonight I have something to pass the time with…Its 9/11 coverage. I’m locked in…I’m a curious young man…always have been. I see names and faces running across the screen…these people are dead…these people have left this earth…alot of people like me…have left this earth…and its not an accident or natural disaster. There is blood on the hands of others who wanted to hurt us. This is evil….I have experienced evil by this age already without really knowing that it’s evil…but on this tv tonight…I see it. I am introduced to Evil. There are things out in the world that want me to live no longer…that want to hurt me or my family.
I told you this is not a travel blog…this is Zack…and well Zack..has a lot of things running in his head at all times…and a consistent one is focused on things that want to hurt me or others. I’ll get to happy travel posts after this…maybe. In October I was going through one of many different versions of hell I’ve been through..the attack in Israel happened while I was at a Braves game the day before my birthday. I wasn’t trying to stay up to date that weekend…much less could I focus on anything but my personal life at the time. It wasn’t until I was depressed and alone in November that I began to research all things Palestine/Israel. I won’t get into sides or politics…but I just saw evil…again. That war was breaking my already broken heart. This time…I was able to access the news at my fingertips…endlessly..and there were instagram pages sharing some of the most gruesome and heartbreaking things you could see…families being torn apart…on all sides. I see so much…evil. idk how to say this without coming off a certain way…but as depressed as I was…grieving things I’ve lost and failing….yet another thing in my life…here I am up at 3am gaining perspective on just how blessed I am…My heart hurts for the entire situation over there and all of the people affected by it.
I tend to revisit these terrible things often…I don’t obsess anymore..but I keep the thoughts near…as reminders..I think keeping it close allows me to protect myself…I’m a hurt individual who is tired of being hurt. I will protect myself and getting close to things to keep them at bay is what I have to do in order to protect myself…or else they sneak up on me in the middle of the night and take me down. I have evil tamed and I watch it and learn from it…so that I can try to eliminate and keep it from hurting myself and others.
I think what I’m trying to say with all of this is…
There are many different versions evil will present itself through…if somehow you can find the courage to fight whatever version of evil you are most capable of fighting…fucking do it…. and if you don’t know what version that is…then rescue a dog…snuggle with it for a little while and when you find out what it is that is most important to you…you hold onto it and protect it…from evil. And if you aren’t ready to fight it yet.. hang onto someone who can.
My next blog post will be about my last few days and what I have ahead of me. I had such a beautiful..fulfilling day in Milford Sound. I’m learning..I’m growing..I’m laughing…I’m smiling..and I will never forget.
Lets Roll