OUT THERE FOR THE TAKING
I am on the same flight from Bali to Brisbane. It is 6 hours long. I couldn’t sit without myself putting the negative review and experience out there and it being the last thing someone reads.
An interesting quote I like from a man…who I looked up to..no longer with us. I feel a lot of confusion when thinking about him and his travels and how he ended. Anthony Bourdain.
“If I'm an advocate for anything, it's to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. Walk in someone else's shoes or at least eat their food”
I just looked into the eyes of many people in Bali..who..probaly wish their beach wasn’t filled with trash. I passed a 6-8 year old boy 2 times outside of the hotel in the dark..trying to sell some handmade something..he had some guys looking nearby him who I imagine he was with…this boy knows nothing different than what he has seen and what he is told to do….here I am complaining about fake luxury…etc. I still realize how blessed I am and I’m in a situation where I can afford to leave and choose to end my time in a place that I don’t enjoy being in…freely. How blessed am I to have been raised in America. As much as we love to tear our country apart about how bad it all is…there are people who would die to reach the freedom we have…now maybe all they see is Hollywood..but for briefly experiencing like I said..a borderline 3rd world country…anything remotely close to Hollywood will do just fine for theee people. I don’t really have the answers…I promise you I wish I didn’t feel the urge to spend the rest of my sabbatical elsewhere…and I promise you that people less fortunate than me have been on my mind ever since. ugh…I can’t pour from an empty cup. I do have to take care of Zack.
I am watching the “Steve Irwin Story” on my laptop. I’m going to be in Queensland for the forseeable future..seeing the Great Barrier Reef, Daintree rainforest(worlds oldest rainforest”, Cairns, and then the Australia Zoo. Steve Irwins Zoo. I think we all remember him on our tv's in the early 2000’s. The crocodile hunter! I think it was the only and first Australian accent that I ever heard. I get chills watching this doc. I really admire Steve…he was extremely passionate…and the way his family has carried on his legacy…is amazing….Steve said that if was to be remembered for anything that it would be for his message. His message was conservation.
I see passionate people all over the world making large impacts. I see a lot of them living happy lives…but not very long lives. I guess this happened to Steve as well.
I think in the past whatever 1.5-2 years I said my passion is to help other people. I have a strong urge to use my experiences and empathy to help other people…but is putting every single one of my eggs in one basket…going to be the end of me…to where I can’t help further? Helping one person is a success. Okay..I have been able to do that. Do I have to take it to the stars to feel like the job is done…at the cost of my own sanity…am I sacrificing myself? I want to align my life with my passions but I don’t think Zack Houston can make his life 100% about it….at least for now. I won’t survive. I’m not going to quit…but I have to set boundaries….parameters….I have to have maybe systems? Idk…….I am proud of myself for even trying to outwardly do something….but knowing Zack…and how he can hyper focus and lose track of the other important things…like feeding yourself…like getting sleep..taking care of yourself.
I feel like putting myself out there in the open…putting my stuff out there in the open…it takes courage yes….its weird being vulnerable…but with the technology today…things can be saved on the internet and phones forever. They can be accessed whenever….I can share stuff and it be out there for the taking….Its not like I’m a 24/7 suicide hotline. Of course I still answer calls…but my number is not out in the world like that…It would do more harm than good for me and everyone else. I’m rambling. I’m thinking very long and hard about how to move forward with my advocacy. I am thinking long and hard about where I want to live and how I want to proceed with my life. I turn 30 in October. I am smart..I will figure this out…and just like Bali…maybe the first place I land isn’t it…and there is always a place awaiting me after…I don't ..I won’t give up.
My next place is Queensland…I am very excited. Thank you all for reading and following along. I really don’t know if anyone cares to read all of this crap. It’s long I know. I will be glad to have it down the road….and maybe one day if someone is struggling to stay alive…they can read this website..and find a resurgence in a will to live. Much love to all.